Tag Archives: love

What She’s Worth

This morning, I was talking to a girl who was a lot like me. And I said a lot of good things–things that I myself needed to hear.

I told her that she has wasted enough of her time for someone who doesn’t treat her like what she’s worth. Those years could have been the best years of her life, but she was stuck in a closet, like a skeleton in the dark, waiting for no one that could give her life. Her life was not hers.

She does not deserve that. No man is worth treating her like a skeleton in the closet.

She deserves only what she’s worth. And this is her worth: She is worth having as a girlfriend. She is worth letting the world know that she is a man’s love. She is worth fighting for.

She is hanging by a thin thread only waiting for it to snap. She has hoped and waited enough. She should not wait forever just to have a place in someone’s life.

Every day, I have to tell her this–no, a good girl does not deserve that.

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Unplug earphones, hear whispers of love

I plug my earphones on my way home from Manila to Cavite, refusing to hear the rumble of the city, the unhealthy chatter of fellow commuters or the angry roars of vehicles in heavy traffic. I turn up the volume to its highest and listen to lively music or interesting podcasts until I fall asleep.

I get off the bus, reluctant to go straight home. I walk the streets and remark every little establishment in our little town, especially the eateries and food stalls (‘coz I really love food). It’s just so, so nice to be home.

From my hometown, Silang, which is just a 30-minute drive to the highlands of Tagaytay, I decide to ride a jeepney and unplug the earphones that I had been wearing from Manila. I don’t want to miss the sound of the country, the silent hum of the wind, and the rustling of grass and leaves as the wind blows them.

There’s still the sound of cars and jeepneys but it’s very tolerable. They’re actually part of the music on my commute. Since the highway is not at all congested by vehicles, the drive is steady. The air is fresher, the wind cooler.

When I reach the cafe, I make sure I am seated on the patio where I get a panoramic view of green and blue. This is not only a picture. With the sound of the wind whistling from the clouds, blowing the leaves nearby and brushing the pages of my journal, it is a scene. Actually, it’s more like the clouds whispering something sweet to me, and their language is the wind–this is a comforting scene to be in.

I am here, and I feel loved by the clouds.

With this, I am able to write solemnly, clear my mind and ponder things freely. I love my earphones, but I love not having to wear them, too, especially when what you hear are soft whispers of love from nature.

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I once dated a vampire.

What’s your image of a vampire? I suppose we have different images of vampires, depending on which movies we’ve watched or books we’ve read. Twilight? Classic Dracula? Modern Dracula?

I’ve once dated a vampire. Okay, his image was more like the Edward Cullen type. Romantic, masculine, cheesy.

I say he was like a vampire because he sucked the life out of me. No, don’t think it too far. Okay–to make it sound better, he took my breath away.

He was like a vampire because we only saw each other during the night and parted ways at dawn. He was almost a stranger. We only went out twice. But during those nights, he made feel comfortable, awesome, beautiful.

We sat on the grass and talked while glancing up the night sky or watching the pond. We talked about a lot of things and it felt as comfortable as writing stuff on my diary.

I let him kiss me–that took my breath away.

He was like a vampire because, just as how a real vampire’s business with you is done once he’s sucked the blood out of your neck, I did not see him anymore after that night.

I don’t feel sorry.

The few nights I spent with him was a memorable experience. He was like a vampire because he got me spellbound by his eyes, by his presence and by his kiss–something that doesn’t always happen with strangers.

 

Crushes, Conversations

I look at my crush and the girl he’s currently dating (no bitter feelings) and wonder what they talk about. I often see them, observe them, and every time, I see them chattering to each other.

On the other hand, when I have conversations with my crush, they’re free-flowing and easy for the first three minutes then my brain starts to tense and jumble up, as if the little personnel operating it are cramming to find related statements or questions to keep the talk going. After a few moments of trying (more like struggling), I simply let out a – hehe – a chuckle followed by the most dreaded moment of silence. The dead air.

Sometimes, I hardly, awkwardly succeed in keeping the conversation going for another minute or two by asking silly questions. I know they’re silly because they only yield 3 to 5-word responses, then I’m knocked out.

So, I wonder. What do they talk about? How can can they keep the conversation going? How can she keep the conversation going?

Should I really wonder and worry about this?

Sometimes, when we like a person, we work hard to have conversations, get to know them and share common interests. It’s our chance of getting to know each other. It’s our chance of building that connection and making it special.

But what if we fail? Does it mean we did not try hard or we’re not good enough?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I know the feelings of pressure and insecurity brought about by that dead air. It’s a bit embarrassing. But maybe, after you’ve tried a good number of times, he’s just not the best person to try out for.

I remember this old crush I had who is a very good friend now. We got along well at the very start. He was not a talker, in the sense that he was not used to talking about himself, but we kept long conversations going because he listened and responded to all the things I shared and he willingly shared, too, when I asked about him. It was great.

I guess it’s a matter of matching wavelengths and being mutually interested about each other. Communication is a two-way street. If one is not interested, then the conversation will simply not last long.

Sometimes, there’s also that person with whom dead air is not so scary. Just being close to him is enough and neither of you is required to talk. You’ll know–feel–when you’re with this kind of person.

I am still curious about what they talk about, and still feel tense when I talk to my crush. But I know that if the conversation is not going between us, there’s nothing wrong with me.

Conversations will last and dead air will not be so dreadful with the right person.

How I like my coffee

I like my coffee iced. I like to see the hazy layers of milk, espresso and caramel before I pour in some sugar and mix it. I prefer brown sugar–four to five sachets because I like it really sweet. I don’t thoroughly mix the sugar because I like to chew on the granules when I sip the coffee from the bottom.

I usually like my coffee in Starbucks. Caramel Macchiato is my favorite. I like it here because of the ambiance except during peak hours. So, I go when it’s early in the morning or a work day. If not, then I find a less popular cafe. I like my coffee with cake–I love cheesecakes–or a doughnut unless I am really hungry. Any kind of cheesecake will hearten me.

When I am alone, I take a table and form a personal bubble, lay my notebook and pens and ignore the rest of the world. But I also like my coffee with a companion–a sweet one. Sugar is unnecessary to a companion who shares coffee and conversations with you. I like to see the hazy layers of the horizon during sunset while sipping coffee, and chatting and talking mushy things. No rush on finishing the coffee. It doesn’t matter if my iced coffee becomes watery or his hot drink becomes cold.

This is what I like most about having coffee. Besides the enjoyable taste, it also makes time spent simply meaningful with someone special. Asking a person to grab a coffee with you is one of the easiest and simplest things to get to spend time together. Having two of the best things in life–coffee and him–at the same time is how I like it best.