This year, you are going to be a year older–still in your twenties.
Congratulations on your accomplishments in 2014!!! Your greatest accomplishment: GRADUATION. I am sure you’ll achieve more and bigger things this year. Don’t forget your dreams and plans last year. Write them all again this year and remind yourself of all the great things you can achieve.
Congratulations on surviving the final years of college. It had been tough, but you stood strong. You cried, but you didn’t stop. Do not hesitate to cry when you feel tired because after you drain all those tears, you’ll feel lighter and become stronger.
Life is tough, but you’ll find more of great things in it. This is the start of greater things for you. Keep doing what you love, and do not depend much on other people. Keep discovering yourself.
You are the best lover of yourself. For now, concentrate on making yourself happy. Food. Coffee. Writing. Movies. Swimming. Gaming. Travels. Yes, do everything fun.
2015 is your year. As it was last year.
Today, because I can think of nothing else to write, I will write about you. It’s not like it’s a very unusual thing to do. I always write about and because of you.
But I don’t know what to write first. I don’t know what to write about you because there are so many things. I can write about how special you make me feel or how special you are to me. I can write how you can make me cry. I can write about how you’ve broken my heart and how you’ve made me feel better. I can write about my dreams with you. I can write about how I miss you.
There’s nothing extraordinary about you. I think you’re quite ordinary. You are handsome but not the thrilling type. You are lean but not really sexy. You are sweet but most of the time corny. There are many things you can do but you are not exceptionally talented. You are smart but a lot of times you can be awkwardly clumsy.
But to me, you are special.
I don’t know when or how but I know you’ve been special to me for a long time and tomorrow you probably will still be.
You are definitely not as handsome as Hollywood actors or Korean pop stars but you are beautiful in a different way. A way that I love and adore so much. Your eyes and your smile draw me. Your face is small and tender. You are slightly slender and your biceps are not very firm, but I love how you can make me feel warm and secure whenever you hold me in your arms. I guess loving you makes me sexually attracted to you. Is that awkward?
You are sweet but sometimes you don’t seem to know how to be properly sweet. There’s a bit of awkwardness in your sweet acts and sometimes, you turn out to be a little too corny. And that’s funny. And I appreciate everything you do. You do normal things and make them seem special. They become special simply because you do them with good effort and honesty. You don’t exceptionally excel in anything, but you do extremely well in loving the person you love and that is, at least for me, enough.
You are like a puppy. Your innocence makes you beautiful. It’s okay when you sometimes seem naive or clumsy. I like how you strive to learn and do what you like. You have dreams and you hold on to them. I’d like to be there to see you grow and reach for your dreams. Maybe someday, you will reach them.
And everything else in you… Everything else that I’m unable to write now—maybe some other time—makes me love you.
I wonder what’s up for me in five, ten years? What’s up for us?
Are we still gonna be okay like this? Are we still gonna be this close? Am I going to be happy with you? Or with someone else?
I love you now. But do I still love you in five, ten years? Maybe, I’ll love someone else. I’ll love someone like how I love you now. Treat him special like how I treat you now. And I’ll just remember you, very seldom I’ll remember you, from the back of my memory. When I do, I’ll just remember you vaguely as someone who used to be special but not as special as the one I’m with.
But maybe you’ve been the most special.
Every new person who comes is going to be special. He will seem more special than the last. But I wouldn’t be able to tell for sure because the last one would’ve faded out of focus and into a vague memory. And I wouldn’t be able to recall how special he was to me.
If that happens—when I meet someone else—I want to be able to remind myself how special you are to me right now, right here. And how you’ve made me feel special. How you’ve made me want to be closer and closer to you and how it’s going to be worth it to spend days with you. How you’ve made me want to still see you in five, ten, twenty years.
I wonder what’s up for you in five, ten years?
Some say you are already twenty. Some say you’re only 20. Sometimes, you feel old. Sometimes, you feel young and childish.
Sometimes, you feel like you missed a lot of things when you were a lot younger. You feel that you’ve missed studying hard and actually learning… Saving money from your summer job… Learning how to be an artist… Doing the things you [might] love… Collecting stuff… And most of all, you feel like you’ve missed getting to know yourself.
You want to be able to face people and tell them right away what your favorite food is, your favorite brand of clothing or your favorite cartoon show. More so, you want to be able to tell what kind of person you are. You might be a loner. A crybaby. Or a bitch. Sometimes, you’re a piece of everything. You want to know what makes you really happy and what makes you super sad so you can tell people who might care. You want to know what you love doing and what you are good at so that you can do them.
Tell you what. You are older than before but you are still young. Unless you get hit by a truck or catch a deadly flu tomorrow, you still have a lot of time to be intimate with yourself. You have a lot of time to write and you can start now.
You have a lot of time to live. But don’t wait ’til you’re forty.